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Est. 1997 - Proprietors Anthony, Barnett & Massey
#GNU Terry Pratchett

Discworld Monthly - Issue 19: November 1998

Table of Contents:

1. Editorial
2. News
3. Readers' Letters
4. DiscTrivia
5. Review: Carpe Jugulum
6. Carpe Jugulum Competition
7. PTerry Short Stories - Part 13 - "ONCE AND FUTURE"
8. Waxworks Competition Results
9. The End

1. Editorial

Welcome to issue 19. November to January appears to be the season to perform Pratchett. Carpe Jugulum is not even out and there are two productions planned. November sees the UK release of Carpe Jugulum (the 23rd Discworld Novel) and also the paperback release of Jingo.

So far we have not had any more information about our new Web location. We will keep you informed as things progress.

Last month we mentioned information about two Discworld calendars. We had a number of requests for details about who publishes them etc.

Both the calendars are published by the Ink Group:

Terry Pratchett's Discworld Collector's Edition 1998 Calendar, with illustrations by Josh Kirby has an ISBN 1-876274-89-1 and Terry Pratchett's Discworld Collector's Edition 1999 Day-to-Day Calendar illustrated by Paul Kidby has an ISBN 1-876327-24-3.

Maurice Ossenbrink ( ) and the DWOF (Discworld online Fanclub dwof.cjb.net) are working on a German Language Discworld newsletter. To subscribe to the newsletter simply visit scheibenwelt.listbot.com

--
Jason Anthony (Editor)
William Barnett (Deputy editor)
Richard Massey (New age traveller)


2. News

"Robyn Goodfellow" ( ) wrote to us to say the latest PTerry book "The Last Continent" is now available in hardcover in Canada.

The world premiere of Carpe Jugulum will be performed by the Wotjacallem Players at Riverside Studios, Hammersmith, from 10th-13th November. It promises to be dark, dank and ready to stun and amaze... it's different to all the other 'witchy' plays and promises to be a garlic infested, tooth numbing evening of a production. Whatever that means.

This version was adapted for the stage by Miss Irana Brown, who is no stranger to the task, having adapted Lords and Ladies and Witches Abroad. Tickets can be purchased from the box office on 0181-327-1000.

The play will also be touring to Glastonbury Assembly Rooms (01458-834677) on November 19th-20th and the Winton Studio Theatre (01264-333801) on November 27th-28th.

Another adaptation of Carpe Jugulum adapted by Stephen Briggs will be staged at the Unicorn Theatre in Abingdon, Oxon from Wednesday 20th to Saturday 23rd January 1999 with performances starting at 7.30 and a 2.30 matinee on Saturday. Tickets are 5.50GBP each and can be booked by sending a cheque, supported by a guarantee card number and payable to STUDIO THEATRE CLUB, to Stephen Briggs, PO Box 655, Oxford, OX4 3EU. Remember to include a stamped addressed envelope. For more information email Stephen Briggs on

The Pyramid Players present "Pyramids", a new stage adaptation by Suzi Holyoake, at the Bowen West Theatre in Bedford from Tuesday 5th January to Saturday 9th January 1999. Tickets are priced at 3GBP for the Tuesday and 6GBP for all other performances. Tickets can be booked directly with the Pyramid Players (telephone 01234-303586 for more details) or with the theatre ticket line (telephone 01234-219333). More details are available from or from www.netcomuk.co.uk/~gidnsuzi/pyramids.html

ADOS (Aylesbury Dramatic and Operatic Society) are presenting MORT on Wednesday 4th, Friday 6th, Saturday 7th and Sunday 8th November 1998 in the Aston Hall of Aylesbury's Civic Centre, with performances commencing at 7.45pm. There is no Thursday performance because "Marillion" are playing in the Civic and they couldn't compete with the noise. Tickets are 6.50GBP and 5.50GBP concessions and are available from the Civic Centre's Box Office (9am-5pm) on 01296-486009. More information can be obtained from ( ).

Also presenting MORT are Witham Dramatic Club (in Essex, England) on the 18th-21st November 1998. This award winning group offer you the opportunity to see DEATH - in the flesh, as it were - and watch the incompetent Mort as he tries to repair reality. Tickets are priced at 4GBP and 3GBP and can be ordered from the Box Office, (01376) 512912, which opens 4th November. For more information email

Small Ads....

Vikki Whitington ( ) is looking for someone to correspond with over the internet about Discworld books etc. As she says: all my family & friends who don't read Discworld books are a bit fed up (to say the least) of me talking what about Death, Rincewind and what has just happened on the Disc.

Amanda K ( ) is looking to have some intelligent conversations [forget the DWM team then - Ed] about the Discworld via email with other Pratchett fans from anywhere in the world.

Wee Mad Howard ( ) is also looking for Discworld Penpals. So get writing.

Derek Burrow ( ) and a friend are getting together a Discworld setting for Advanced Dungeons and Dragons Second Edition. And would welcome any suggestions.


3. Readers' Letters

If you have any letters / comments, please email

We assume any correspondence is eligible for use in the newsletter unless otherwise stated, including the sender's email address. We may also edit your letters to ensure they fall into line with our opinions.

Each month the writer of the month's best letter will receive two Discworld badges with PTerry quotes on them from Snapdragon Gifts. You can contact Snapdragon Gifts at or www.snapdragongifts.com. Please mention DWM in any correspondence.

*
* From: "Lindsey Bell" ( )
*
Being from Edinburgh myself I annually indulge in investigating the yearly offerings to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. Of the most memorable experiences the one that comes to mind most easily was the production of Hogfather.

The production was certainly adventurous being set outdoors in a promenade style: meaning that the audience had to walk around to where the action was, guided by Hogswatch imps and the narrator.

As far as remaining true to the story I noticed that Gawain and Twyla were not shown as the two being cared for by Susan but rather two brats in the store where the famous pig weeing infront of onlookers was omitted. (shame)

The play was clever. Once the audience's back was turned it could be assured that their attention would be held fully for long enough to disassemble scenery right behind them silently. It actually seemed spooky how it could just 'disappear'. Even the Quoth the raven was remote-controlled by a stage manager who joined the crowd. People soon became unaware of a man in black twiddling continuously ...?!

In short it was great fun, and though most of the audience members I spoke to were Pratchett devotees, it was definitely a good start for any Discworld novices. The added character of the Narrator ensured full understanding and was by far the best performance of the play. (He had the nerve to even stand and stare at us during the interval) and commendation to the little girl who played the Death of Rats too.

JA adds: We would also like to thank Stuart Reid ( ) for his review of this Hogfather play. We didn't include it because Lindsey got hers in first.

*
* From: "Elizabeth" ( )
*
I must comment about Wallbro's Luggage money-box: When I asked Arthur why it didn't have a useful, rubber bung with which to extract amassed coinage, he said the first one did but when passed to Terry, he refused to allow production on the grounds that the Luggage is hard to get into. Which seems fair enough to me.

*
* From: "terelle terry" ( )
*
I travelled to Holland for the 1990 World Con. One of my reasons was to see and hear PTerry. They had given him a tiny lecture room, which, of course, was immediately filled. There were people doubled up in the seats, rather happily, I thought, people bunched together on the floor, and the area all around him was packed with devotees. He had about a yard square about him which wasn't occupied.

The only place I could find was right inside the doorway. I left my wheelchair in the hall, crawled in and sat down. I listened to the world's most amusing man for some time until a blind man and his dog came and stood on me.

I disentangled myself from the blindman, and his dog, and then sat outside the room, in the doorway, until PTerry finished his last hysterically funny comment, and then got quickly in my wheelchair, before the lad and his dog had another crack at me.

Why didn't I cry out, or say, geroff, you might ask? Because I was laughing so hard, I hadn't the breath. It is still one of the best hours of my life.

*
* From: "Morgan Bryers" ( )
*
I saw Terry Pratchett at the Cheltenham Literature Festival. The Cheltenham Literature festival was on from the 8th Oct - 18 Nov. They had famous people (TV personalities, authors, etc.) talking about what they do. Terry Pratchett was on of the speakers and he appeared on stage at the Cheltenham Town hall on the 17th. He was being interviewed by an editor of the Independent. He was asked questions about his Discworld novels. Terry Pratchett is a naturally funny character!!! He was asked, "Have you been to any book signings where no one arrived?" He replied, "Yes, but not mine." [hang on if HE was there someone DID turn up - RM]. He also said, "When I was a boy the number of science fiction authors in England could be counted on one hand which had been in a bad industrial accident."

Terry Pratchett even talked about his new Discworld novel which will be released this November!!! I can only remember the first word of the title (which is Carpe. Or it might be titled The Science of Discworld [it's called Carpe Jugulum and is reviewed in this issue - Ed]). The new novel discuses our universe in the eyes of the Wizards. The Wizards think that their Universe is the perfect universe. When they witness our universe form from the big bang they start to ask questions. Rincewind does some funny things!!!

Afterwards he had a book signing, but I had no book for his signature, I thought it would be too lame for him to sign my ticket.

*
* From: "The Ramptons" ( )
*
In Hong Kong SAR, China, nothing even remotely concerning Terry Pratchett will be happening. Ever. About the most Pratchetty thing happening will be if you see someone reading a Discworld book on a train or something. Which you rarely see anyway. I have seen that twice in nine years. No Terry Pratchett stuff here, oh no. None.

*
* From: "Jay Lake" ( )
*
Reading the most recent DWM, I note the letter from Adam Linville about Americans in Ankh-Morpork. I myself have had great luck with _Adventures in Crime and Space_ here in Austin, Texas, who appear at major SF/Fantasy cons and will mail order. Also, www.amazon.co.uk (was Bookpages) carries PTerry and will cheerfully ship to US customers for a large fee. I eagerly await Carpe Jugulum.

*
* From: "jadesity" ( )
*
Me and my friends have a saying. Never read Pratchett on the bus because you always end up Busting a butt muscle laughing so hard. Then people look at you like you are a nut.

*
* From: "Glyn Bradley" ( )
*
Last month "Mr Simon Thompson" ( ) said the chances of winning the UK National Lottery are 13 Million to One. So, buy 13 tickets, and you will have 13 x 1 ) Million to One chances, which means that nine times out of ten you ) should win "The Big One".

As a mathematician I think the chances of winning the UK National Lottery are 13, 983, 816 to 1, and this sort of implies you need exactly 13.983816 lottery tickets which is why I'm not a millionaire. Perhaps if you were to rip off a corner or something....

*
* From: "Linda Bowland" ( )
*
This is a response to Considinek's letter about something that happened at one of PTerry's book signings. It seems a gent in line was carrying some thirty books to be signed and got called something rather uncomplimentary. I'm a struggling Canadian writer who has been to enough conventions to run into a few authors. When you're sitting, writing your own name over and over, possibly for a number of HOURS, there is nothing more horrifying to see than someone with an arm load of books who expects you to sign them ALL! Have a care, people! Authors aren't superhuman. They have lives, spouses, children, mortgages and taxes to deal with just like everyone else. They also have to squirrel away their money for the day that their publisher,(heaven forbid), stops buying their work. I don't think PTerry has to worry about this in the near future, mind you.

If you want to be on an author's good side, bring only one, maybe two, books to a signing. Give an author some room. I've had the opportunity to meet the man and talk with him in a hallway of a hotel in Toronto for about a quarter of an hour and I can say that PTerry is a wonderfully warm human being. Treat him like one. Please.

*
* From: "J. Robert Benada" ( )
*
I was given Small Gods to read about a year ago as my first introduction to Terry Pratchett. It was the first book that made me repeatedly laugh out loud, even in public, but also was rich in his reflections on life and what humans make of it . I started then on a quest to find more of the series here in America (well, Los Angeles) but only found a few of the middle books.

I did order several from BookPages which is excellent but expensive, at least for us Yanks. A sometimes less expensive route is www.bibliofind.com. It serves as a central web location for several thousand used and antiquarian bookstores. Once your search and find the books you want, bibliofind sends your order to the individual store(s) which actually have the books. A quick check just now turned up The Colour of Magic in paper for 4.80 US$, Witches Abroad paper for 6 US$, The Lost Continent hb for 20 US$ and lots of comparable deals in the first returned page of the search.

There is a modest shipping fee set by the individual shop. There are also rare, first editions, signed copies, etc that go for higher (an extreme case in this same search is slightly used hardback Strata in dust jacket for 295 pounds sterling from a London shop). The stores are all over the English (OK and American and Aussie) speaking world but many are in the US. My friends and I have placed several orders through Bibliofind and have always gotten prompt, excellent service. It is often easy to find several books at one store, simplifying the ordering.

One warning: The connection is not secure so you may want to use caution sending credit card orders. I have always just called the bookstores with credit card info since Bibliofind gives you the stores voice and fax numbers. A friend disguises the card name and number with asterisks and such.

*
* From: "Tim Yorath" ( )
*
Please would you ensure that Millenicon, etc,etc. (Sorry, Goon show humour) is widely advertised through stockists of both literature and sculpture, so we mere fans, rather than just the fanatics, can visit for a day? I understand that half the fun is being 'Underground', and 'Cultish', but I think the author has now appeared in enough TV programmes, and sold enough books, to be treated as damn [excuse my Klatchian] close to mainstream these days, and get-togethers be more widely known?

JA Replies: Be sure to keep reading Discworld Monthly. We will let you know more about the next Convention as soon there is anything more to know.

*
* From: "Nicholas Spooner" ( )
*
I am a Discworld fan, (I have read all the books but the last two which aren't out in paperback yet) and I have been trying to work out how much time has passed in total on the Discworld, perhaps some serious fans can help me to find this out, please!

*
* From: "Chris Weeks" ( )
*
I just thought that I should add a couple of things to issue 18's info on the Clarecraft Collectors Guild. As well as the goldfish in the buckets there are two other figures which have small numbers with distinct characteristics. The first few Carrots that were made had a sword hilt sticking up above his shoulder, but this was fragile, so they changed it to a shorter hilt. Also, there are only about 250 Vetinari figures around which have nothing on the back of the chair. This caused a problem with the mould so they hung a cloak over the back of the chair and a cushion down the side. If anyone has these, then they could become quite valuable.

*
* From: "David Hopkins" ( )
*
The reason I'm writing this here letter is to consider a hypothetical situation on the Discworld. What would happen if other Discworld Universities (eg. the Krullian College of Magic, or Bugarup University) suffered from the same kind of formative causality as UU and started to construct more computers like Hex?

Would the Discworld start to develop an Internet (or possible Insectnet?). Since beehives are already used for long-term memory storage, I expect that the transfer protocol used would involve flying bees for long-distance communication. Possibly the communication rate would be measured in bps - bees per second. By extension of the same reasoning, information would be transferred using FTP (Flying Transfer Pollen).

Indeed, what if more computers were built at UU? Would a LAN (Local Ant Network) be established?

Who knows what could happen? After all, this is the Discworld.

JA replies: For this rather smart alec letter, we've decided to award David with Letter of the Month.

*
* From: "Jim Spiers" ( )
*
After reading Adam Linville's letter this month, it has occurred to me that many of the US readers may not be aware that the Science Fiction and Fantasy Bookclub (which advertises in virtually every genre magazine) has almost all of the Discworld novels available. Since I've been getting them as they came out I haven't paid alot of attention to the earlier titles in the Club's brochure, but I believe that they currently have in print everything except the first few. (I could be wrong but it could be worth someone's time to take a gander...)

And on shipping them from the UK to our Land of Evil: I have had the best service, cheapest shipping, and least American bashing from Murder One Bookstore on Charing Cross Rd, London. Their site is www.murderone.co.uk and if your server doesn't do forms, orders may be emailed at (I suppose I just got someone fired...probably something in the workers code about how many bashes per month quota...)

*
* From: "John D. Dougherty" ( )
*
There is proof at last! Great A'Tuin has been seen by NASA with the Hubbel Space Telescope. It appears as if it is a bit camera shy, but it is still a good image. Let's hear it for the High Energy Magic boys!

oposite.stsci.edu/pubinfo/pr/1998/36/index.html


4. DiscTrivia

A simple one for you all this month - true or false. Why not visit my [Discworld] Ring (www.users.bigpond.com/Hormel) for some of the best creative and informative sites devoted to the Disc. And if you like the idea of a trivia game, feel free to join the mailing list at www.listbot.com/subscribe/disctrivia where *you* get to decide what gets put in, etc. We are well into the design, so be quick!

Q1
For dwarves, puberty is at about 70

Q2
Esk turned one of her brothers into a dog

Q3
The chances of a man with soot on his face, his tongue sticking out, standing on one leg and singing the Hedgehog Song hitting a dragon's voonerables are a million-to-one.

Q4
'Blown Away' was a twenty-reeler.

Q5
The Librarian weighs about 300 pounds

Danu Poyner ( ) Brisbane - Australia

This month's answers can be found in section 9.


5. Review: Carpe Jugulum

Carpe Jugulum (the twenty-third Discworld novel) sees the Ramtops' four most famous witches (Granny, Nanny, Magrat and Agnes) take on a new terror: Vampires. These are not your predictable Ankh-Morpork vampires, they are intelligent, elegant and quite like garlick.

Essentially the story is about a family of Vampyrs taking up residency in Lancre castle and the witches efforts to evict them. Their attempts are hampered when, with the return to Lancre of Agnes Nitt, Granny Weatherwax sees that three is a Coven and four's a crowd and leaves. There is a real atmosphere to the book, and at times you end up wondering not only how the witches are going to succeed, but if. This is one of PTerry's more thought provoking books. PTerry revisits the great god Om and, again, gives us an all too clear view of what I assume to be his view of religion, with a rights of passage sub-plot involving a missionary called Mightily Oats.

By developing the Uberwald (in this and the next novel, provisionally entitled The Fifth Elephant) PTerry has given himself room to develop a wealth of new characters whilst retaining his repertoire of existing ones. One fine new example is Igor (the vampires' servant and coachman). PTerry must have been inspired when he gave him a (written) lisp - or lithp as Igor would say. Perdita X, Agnes' alter ego, has also been developed into a full blown personality whom Agnes can often be found arguing with.

Without wanting to give too much away, PTerry has had to modify his Witches 'formula' in other ways as well. I suspect this is at least partly because we are now so familiar with the routine: overwhelming odds, a threat initially shrouded in mystery, eventual triumph of Granny Weatherwax. Unfortunately, in departing from the successful structure PTerry sacrifices some of the familiar appeal of the Witches... but we'll give you a chance to read the book before we go into any more detail.

One of my favourite scenes is when Mightily Oats is getting piled high with several tonnes of baby equipment so he, Agnes and Queen Magrat (with baby) can sneak away from Lance castle. Once again, the Discworld proves a frighteningly accurate 'mirror of worlds', as anyone with small kids will testify.

The events in the book take place over a very short time period which makes the story tick over at a lively pace, encouraging you to read faster to find out what is going to happen next. Unusually, I thoroughly enjoyed the book on my first reading. Several of the one-liners made me laugh out loud, which hasn't happened for a while with a Discworld novel, although the plot rather takes over in the second half of the book.

Carpe Jugulum is released on Thursday 5th November 1998 (I've heard some people are going to have a firework display to celebrate it - Ed) for 16.99GBP by Transworld and Doubleday ISBN 0-385-40992-3

James Dewis ( ) wrote to say that ASDA will be selling Carpe Jugulum for 9.99GBP (they must be cutting their own throats).


6. Carpe Jugulum Competition

To celebrate the UK release of Carpe Jugulum we thought we would give three copies away. After going without food for a week (and that's a lot of food, believe me) I had saved enough money and purchase the books from Amazon.co.uk (previously known as Bookpages). To win one of these copies send your answers to the following question (along with your postal address) to before Friday 20th November 1998. The winners will be selected at random from the correct entries and announced next issue.

- Which Discworld book is entitled "Go For The Throat"?


7. PTerry Short Stories - Part 13 - "ONCE AND FUTURE"

Issue 17's installment was about "Theatre of Cruelty" and I implied that the L Space web site www.lspace.org/ was the only place on the Web to legitimately have this short story. It appears I was wrong. Leo Breebart, one of the WebMasters for the site, wrote:

"[Your article] strongly implies that Terry gave some sort of exclusive permission to the L-Space Web for making the story available on the Internet. This is not the case (or at least not to *my* knowledge :-)). What Terry said when I asked him if he would allow me to distribute the story on-line, was: 'I don't want to see it in distributed print anywhere but don't mind people downloading it for their own enjoyment'. No mention of anything L-Space specific was made (or asked for), so I do not think the judgment that people putting up their own copy are violating copyright laws or abusing Terry's kindness is warranted."

This was further backed up by Terry's comments on the matter:

"Theatre of Cruelty is, for want of a better word, freeware. It remains my copyright, but I don't mind it being reproduced electronically provided it is not altered. This permission has never been *exclusive* to L-space; just as the published original was in a magazine given away free, I don't object to people carrying copies on their own pages, etc. The one proviso is that it's not to be printed for sale."

It should be pointed out, however, that "Theatre of Cruelty" is very much a special case and it is against the law to put copyright material on the Web without the author's permission. In Terry's words:

"...some people seem to think this means that all my published short stories are 'free'. They are not. Colin talks quietly to the overly-enthusiastic 'publishers' in his own inimitable way... :-)"

So with that sorted out, we come to this issue's article about "Once and Future". Unusually for Terry's more recent stories, this has only ever appeared in a single anthology, "Camelot", edited by Jane Yolen and published by Philomel in 1995. Uniquely, this book has only ever been printed in the US and has not appeared in the UK yet. I bought my copy from a US on-line book shop for $20 + postage, but I don't know if the book is still in print.

It contains ten Arthurian stories and one song by authors including Anne McCaffrey, Diana L. Paxson, Nancy Springer and a Mr T Pratchett. Having a common theme gives the book a more cohesive feel than the usual anthology. I'm often irritated by editors bending over backwards to categorise their cobbled together pieces under one banner (take one step forward Mr Peter Haining), so it comes as a refreshing change to find a book like this.

Terry's contribution touches on a theme he explored further in "Johnny and the Bomb" - time travel. The narrator comes from the future, but has become trapped in an alternative past:

"I had special training for time travelling. The big problem, the big problem, is finding out where you are. Basically, when you step out of a time machine you can't rely on seeing a little sign that says 'Welcome to 500 AD, Gateway to the Dark Ages, pop. 10 million and falling'. Sometimes you can't even rely on finding anyone in a day's march who does know what year it is, or what king is on the throne, or what a king is. So you learn to look at things like church architecture, the way the fields are farmed, the shape of the plough-shares, that sort of thing. Yeah, I know, you've seen films where there's this dinky little alpha-numeric display that tells you exactly where you are... Forget it. It's all dead reckoning in this game."

Introducing future technology to a past civilisation is strictly 'against the rules', but our narrator proceeds to do so anyway. The consequences, however, are not all that he planned - especially since history is different here.

If you can track down a copy of "Once and Future", I'd recommend doing so because it is a thought provoking and amusing piece in which Terry explores a world far removed from his usual terrain.

Phil Penney --
Phil runs the Discworld fan club "The Guild of Fans and Disciples". For more information, visit "fly.to/discworld" or e-mail him on . Branches in Germany, South Africa, USA, Australia, New Zealand and run from the UK.


8. Results of Waxworks Competition

Last month we offered a limited edition HEX plate from Waxworks as a competition prize and asked you to answer the following questions.

Q. Which PTerry short story is only 100 words long?
A. Incubust (reviewed in Discworld Monthly Issue 6)

Q. Which country did PTerry visit in his Jungle Quest video?
A. Indonesia (specifically Borneo)

Q. In which building in the Unseen University is HEX housed?
A. High Energy Magic Building

Lena Williams of Hertfordshire, England was randomly selected as the winner from the correct entries.

To find our more about Waxworks products either visit www.behemoth.demon.co.uk/discworld/ or email

Please mention Discworld Monthly in any correspondence.


9. The End

* Contact Information *

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NOTE: In order to keep the subscription list current any addresses that bounce will be removed. If you fail to receive an issue, please subscribe again.

* Answers to this months DiscTriva *

Q1
For dwarves, puberty is at about 70
A1
False (50)

Q2
Esk turned one of her brothers into a dog
A2
False (Pig)

Q3
The chances of a man with soot on his face, his tongue sticking out, standing on one leg and singing the Hedgehog Song hitting a dragon's voonerables are a million-to-one.
A3
True

Q4
'Blown Away' was a twenty-reeler.
A4
True

Q5
The Librarian weighs about 300 pounds
A5
True

* Obtaining PTerry's Books *

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